with your own penis?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
