i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
