He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
