Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
