we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
