can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
