Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
