We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
