I am puke
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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