Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
