i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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