Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
