There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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