Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
