I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
