This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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