I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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