dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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