..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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