DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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