i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
