I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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