So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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