My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
