I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
