she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
