My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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