Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
