The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My penis needs a shock collar
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
