the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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