I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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