Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
