My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
