we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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