the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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