yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
