apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
