I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
