I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
