i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
