well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He? As in you personified your dick?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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