Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
