some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
