I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
