Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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