she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
