I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
