8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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