I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
