I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
