Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
