Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
